A Must Read: How Depression Nearly Killed Me

A lot of you have never understood why i kept my hair.Some of you judged me some loved it some said i was childish.but did you know why i did keep it?

It was my way of fighting depression,made me feel closer to my kids and gave me strength to fight on.

See there was a time that life was so unfair to me.cruel and very unpleasant.

Everything i knew and fancied turned out to be the things that brought me more sorrow tears and sleepless nights.

I lost my house,my children,my clients my money and worse of my dignity and manhood.

I made mistakes that costed me everything i built over years of daily struggle.

I went through hell i was alone abandoned by friends who never wanted to associate with me anymore.

I had no one to run to but God i cried every night for him to reveal himself in vain.

My heart was in pieces my body in pain,i contemplated suicide not once not twice but a hundred times.

I tried driving myself to death but was held back by what i never understood(now i know My Graceful God).

See many a times we see people smile walk alone talk to us or themselves in broad daylight and just assume they are okay.

We never bother to check on friends and family just to know how they are.A simple how are you doing can change ones mind from committing suicide.

To date am grateful to my family and my now wife jessy omwa for the constant prayers and encouragement.

For almost 6 months i went through a phase that saw me sink deep into depression,my life was a mess,got separated and left a very violent relationship,lost focus of who i was.

This situations reduced me to a bitter arrogant person letting out my anger on anyone who tried to come close to me.i hated everyone and anything with no reason at all.

I felt like and valued life less everyday.not being able to access and see my children was the worst pain i couldnt stand.

Living in a store with only a mattress squeezed between piled up chairs and speakers i kept the faith looking at my children pictures gave me more strength to hold on and fight for them.

Most people never understood my story or what i went through in this marriage and i was hurshly judged,people talked behind my back and said crazy things.

They said i abandoned my family and children for another woman,what they don’t know is the hell i went through 8 years with an abusive arrogant and hostile woman.

I only held on for my children but i couldn’t do it anymore for the fights every night were affecting them i could see the fear in their eyes as she hailed insults to me they would run and hold me tight.

I wanted so much to hit her hard on the face but my children held me back their cries and fearful eyes killed me and i found myself shading tears not tears of pain from the injuries caused by her but tears i cried for my children.

My marriage ceased two years before i walked out nothing was working.

My enemies took advantage and went to my X wife with stories that were false but ment to find some sort of favour with her.

I find it not necessary to explain myself because it will make no sense to most of you but i find it wise to tell you that:

1.Men suffer domestic violence not because they cant protect themselves but because we try to be gentlemen who never raise their hands on women but we end up suffering and die in silence.

2.That men will die behind a plastic smile with a burden so heavy and no one will know because no one cares to know how he is doing.

3.Men want and wish they could cry to let go all of the pressure inside of them but society always stigmatise them branding them as weak but tell me whats the point in trying to pretend to be strong yet you are dying inside?

4.Men are family people full of love for their children who they always are denied acess to in trying to prove a point by abusive bitter women.

5.Before you judge a man or a woman who walked out of their marriage please find out the circumstances that led to that walkout and you will be surprised just how strong they have been all through before their act of courage.

6.Not many people can and or have the courage to walk out of this abusive relationships for fear of different unknown things so don’t judge the ones who found the courage to say enough is enough and stepped out into the unknown

See my life today is what it is because i trusted in God because my now wife Jessy Omwa stood by me through the stormy days encouraged me and built
Me back to who i am today.I owe my life to her

I MANAGED TO GET BACK ON MY FEET I REBUILT MYSELF AND REALISED THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN HURTING FOR YEARS OVER WHAT SOMEONE DID TO YOU.LET GO AND KNOW PEACE

I LEARNT TO LET GO AND BE AT PEACE WITH MYSELF.

See never judge people

Never take the people in your life for granted.

Do not hurt and or mistreat the people in your life because you might just be the reason why they take their lives.

And if you ever find yourself in such situations do not lose faith keep the faith coz God has got your back.

MEN DO NOT BE AFRAID TO TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH,DO NOT DIE IN SILENCE.SPEAK UP AND SAVE YOURSELF FROM DESTRUCTION

I THOUGHT THIS WOULD ENCOURAGE SOMEONE.