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Arts & Culture

Kenyan Comedians Are Just Shit

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Centre Stage.

Comedy is a new, fresh platform for the modern philosopher to stand on. Stand-up comedy is a form of social commentary. It is the perfect way to reach a wide array of people and to explain serious topics to them in a hilarious and entertaining way. Just look at “The Daily Show”—why do you think that’s such a hit?

When Jon Stewart left the show, big names were thrown around as possible replacement only for a lesser popular Trevor Noah from South Africa to take over the show. Coming from Africa and used to an African audience, many were hesitant of he could crack up the American /international audience but he took the show over and never did he impede the producers. Today, according to Comedy Central, the show not only drew the biggest crowd among total viewers and in the demo since Noah succeeded Jon Stewart, but it also overtook all other daily late-night shows to earn the title as the top-rated show among millennials, adults 18-24, in the category.

Content is key in any production, in comedy as well, diversity of content is what determines whether the audience is going to keep glued to your show or flips to the next. I mean there is a million comic content on the internet and cable TV that it will take powerful witchcraft to keep me watching a horribly presented show.

Kenya is a blessed land with so much to offer from tourism, agriculture, sports but there’s a bit of a challenge when it comes to entrainment more particularly comedy. For decades, we’ve been served with the same diet of tribal, voice mimics same old Vasco Da Gamma jokes that I think we’ve caught numb head and dead stomach. We have so-called comedians who’ve refused to get out of the pot and think beyond their noses. I mean jokes are restricted to narrow subject of the tribe and imitating voices and that’s the widest most can stretch, damn these people need yoga classes but in comedy.

Trevor Noah and Churchill

 

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Over time, the right thinking audiences have developed immunity to these nonstandard jokes. If I was to describe majority of so-called comedians here it would be something like they’re hackneyed, tired, worn out, overworked, threadbare, warmed-up, banal, trite, stock, stereotyped, clichéd, run-of-the-mill, commonplace, platitudinous, unoriginal, derivative, unimaginative, uninspired, flat; outdated, outmoded, passé, archaic, obsolete, defunct and antiquated.

Now don’t get it wrong, I just Googled the words, the message here is, with a bit of research, you can brainwash people into thinking you’re smart, why can’t out comedians research and trick is to believing they’re witty? You see they don’t even have to go far but simply look around to what’s going on around and make a comic relief out of complex social issues.

Art is a powerful tool that if used right can shape the community in unwritten ways. The case at hand, stand-up comedy gives a platform that shouldn’t just end at cracking people laugh but leaving them with something to think about. In a world with so many injustices take Kenya for example, a comedian worth his salt would use such a platform to align themselves with justice. But we have sissy celebrities who would rather remain silent when their fans are being trivialized just so they don’t miss out on government gigs, a bag of douches.

One of my favorite comedy shows happens to be ‘Last Week Tonight’. Comedian John Oliver satirically covers the week in news, politics and current events in this Emmy-winning variety series. Oliver knows his art and I just like how he talks about everything from healthcare to calking out Trump to nuclear talk I mean, which sane person cant appreciate such a well thought out the show, talking on basic, typical issues on the society? Jimmy Kimmel Live has lately been interesting too after his kid was diagnosed with cancer, Jimmy turned the show advocating for better health policies for all.

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Back home in Kenya, one of the biggest comedy shows also happens to be one of our many national problems, needless to talk about stagnant tribal jokes, the show does less to comically address issues around us, in fact, to be fair, it is a crap show that I stopped watching since I have better things to do like holding wind and counting sugar grains. See unlike American examples I’ve given, Churchill has a great platform that if he were right thinking, would’ve high ratings and great impact but nope, apart from exploiting comedians in the name of exposure paying them not just peanuts but the peel offs, the show has been subtly used to sanitize social menaces.

Growth is important, we can’t be stuck at telling jokes that Mzee Ojwang told 20 years ago and wouldn’t say in his grave, these new boys in the comedy are too stale I’ll slap my ears if they ever try giving audience. You wonder why it is easier for a camel to walk through a syringe than a Kenyan comedian to break through the borders? And if any do then they’ll they’ll perform skits at house parties abroad. The simple reason is diversity, they lack that, they’re restricted to the same set of jokes that’s only relevant to the malnourished Kenyan audience.

Chipukeezy’s career peak was a photo session of Hart’s with fans during the promo of his book. Chip came home and lied that he was working with Hart infact said he’ll bring him to Kenya like the picture says, hahaha!

Chipukeezy, I’m told he’s a comedian had to fake a while story how he used his YouTube videos as uber payment an access to Kevin Hart’s show, I watched that video and was like wow he’s so talented in being super dumb, you try that YouTube shit in real life you’ll catch your phone in space. He took a photo with Kevin Hart thanks to the Kenyan lady who begged Hart for it and he termed it his best career moment, a selfie was his best moment. Now you see why we have dafts running the show. I once watched Churchill co-host some show in S.A. I think MTV awards and his jokes couldn’t make pre-recorded audiences in comedy shows laugh. Super dry.

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In a nutshell, Kenyan Comedians and entertainers need to learn the power of art and how they can use the tool in impacting the society, if you don’t recognize this and only in it for money then I should hire you for a NASA demo then call the police to finish this mess. We need to see diversity in content, jump away from tribal jokes actually it is profiling and I hope one day, fake cop Ezekiel Mutua and Ole Kaparo wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, ban such jokes, I bet many would be sent to indefinite retirement. Look at new comedians like Andrew Kibe, annoying to feminists but that guy cracks up yes I I said it. He’s good, natural and his jokes are not your usual so Andrew go on.

I know you celebrities are used to being massaged and worshipped such that you don’t take criticism well, I’d love it if instead of rubbishing off my points, you collect the stones and build a mansion. Diversify your jokes, use that platform to advance positivity. Don’t be the comedian to n remembered for just telling tribal jokes but also one who used the platform to address social issues. To be fair,  I’ll give the devil its dues that we have some pretty good comedians in Kenya I just think they’re stuck somewhere in the traffic so lets hope they make it in time for the show.

Otherwise, with same old tiring jokes and equally lame comedians I say #Resist.

 


Kenya Insights allows guest blogging, if you want to be published on Kenya’s most authoritative and accurate blog, have an expose, news, story angles, human interest stories, drop us an email on [email protected] or via Telegram

Kenya West is a trained investigative independent journalist and a socio-political commentator on matters Kenya and Africa. Send me tips to [[email protected]]

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Arts & Culture

Grace Msalame Sues Uganda’s Tourism Board For Illegaly Using Her Curvy Photos To Promote Sex Tourism

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Grace Msalame.

Uganda’s Ministry of Tourism unveiled a beauty pageant dubbed ‘Miss Curvy Uganda’ in a bid to promote tourism in the country, the ministry decided to use Kenya’s media personality Grace Msalame as the official face of their Miss Curvy Uganda contest without her knowledge. Whether it was a mistake or deliberate is unknown but now they’ll have to prove it in court.

Grace a media personality in Kenya has distanced herself from the beauty pageant saying she was never part of the program neither did she give consent for her photo to be used in the promotion.

The promotion poster.

In a statement, Msalame says, “I take great exception for the fact that my image and likeliness are being used to propagate, disseminate and encourage objectification of women. I don’t agree nor endorse such a message or anyone who’s a creator of the idea that women’s body are tourist attraction sites.”

Miss Curvy Uganda 2019 Participants.

While announcing that her lawyers are already on legal course for redress, Msalame says, “I reject any association to me that has been unlawfully created by Miss Curvy Uganda 2019 and its agents.”

The media personality claims that her brand has been immensely hit following the publications of her images. “Miss Curvy Uganda’s deliberate and calculated use of my image and likeliness to promote violation of women’s bodies had defamed my character and reputation damaged a brand that I’ve worked for so many years to establish, and subjected me to unwarranted and undeserved cyber bullying.” She says in her statement.


Kenya Insights allows guest blogging, if you want to be published on Kenya’s most authoritative and accurate blog, have an expose, news, story angles, human interest stories, drop us an email on [email protected] or via Telegram
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Gospel Artists HopeKid And DK Kwenye Beat Admits To Sleeping And Infecting A Lady With STI As Porn Bit Surfaces

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HopeKid And DK Kwenye Beat.

New details continue to emerge in what is a circle of sex scandals rocking Kenya’s gospel industry. An anonymous lady had exposed famous gospel artists;HopeKid and DK Kwenye Beat for having lured her into an orgy.

According to the unnamed lady, she had something going on with HopeKid who then invited her to his house so she traveled from Nakuru to Nairobi for sex with the youthful artist. Things took a quick turn when HopeKid came to pick her in the company of DK.

Imstead of going to HopeKid’s house, he drove her to DK’s where they both slept with her in turns. The young lady who narrates her past as having been sexually abused by her relatives and describing herself as a sexual wreck, would later start off another relationship with DK.

Again, the met separately with DK and this time slept without protection and says it’s here that she contracted herpes. She’s been on treatment ever since so she says. While there’s no reported case on the same, the lady insists the threesome wasn’t consensual and that she was raped by the two artists.

While many had cast doubts on the accusations, the two artists seemed to have admitted having done the awful act with their apologies. This game hours after the story went viral on social media;

DK Kwenye Beat

DKKWENYEBEAT: Following the story going around, I would like first and foremost to repent to God Almighty for living a life of sin. Secondly I would wish to apologize to my girlfriend who has been nothing but supportive to me especially during this difficult season. I would also wish to apologize to the church fraternity, my family, everyone who consumes my music and anyone who looks up to me Am Sorry.

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I am not a perfect man. I am a fallen man but one that God is working on every day. I am a changed man from what I was back then. I am working my salvation with fear and trembling. Sadly this story has come out when I am on my way to complete reformation.

My prayer is that one day my ugly past will amount to an amazing testimony of God’s grace and redeeming power! For now, I am walking with Godly counsel as I seek to become the true man and minister of the gospel that God created me to be.

HopeKid.

HOPEKID: Proverbs 24:16 “For though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again.” I write this with a very heavy heart. I have done wrong before God and man. I am truly sorry. I am not a righteous man. I am a young man who has made mistake (which I am sorry for). I sincerely apologize to all who have been hurt as a result of my action.

I believe that if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us of all our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I have repented of my sins and I am pursuing a life that is pleasing to Christ to the best of my ability. I have some pastors and some godly men who are walking with me in this path and I thank them for standing with me in this difficult time.

To all my fans, supporters, family and friends: I apologize for letting you down. I have fallen but God will raise me up. God will work this around for his glory! I urge you all to pray for me as I go through this restoration process. God bless you!

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And when you thought that would calm the storm, then you didn’t see the next coming. Size 8, a fellow gospel artist who made the switch from secular where she made a name out of being raunchy, attempted to come to the rescue of her colleagues, has come under harsh criticism for coming out as a rape sympathizer.

While the debate took heat, another audio clip had emerged of DK openly admitting to having slept with the girl and clearly stating it wasn’t take rather consensual and if there’s any evidence of take then the girl can as well take him to court. He comes out unapologetic and dismissive in what seems like a secretly recorded audio when they were having a boys chat.

While staying on the limelight, DK seem to have fetishes and forgetting he’s a gospel artist, on his Twitter account, the minister of God seem to be a liver of pornography as shown by the type of material he likes, on his profile, a lady giving head can be seen publicly.


Kenya Insights allows guest blogging, if you want to be published on Kenya’s most authoritative and accurate blog, have an expose, news, story angles, human interest stories, drop us an email on [email protected] or via Telegram
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The Rise and Rise of Laying, an Occupation for The Beauties Without Brains

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Socialite Huddah

No one finds life worth living, you make it worth in order to survive in this world where you can be anything you resolve to be. Our girls are resolving to be slays over any other career you can think of. There are no statistics to back this but i think the most sort after careers in Kenya today are slaying and procurement. It’s a blind race, many who choose to slay are running from poverty not aware of where they are running to. These crop of young girls and still sexy women dont buy the anology that little drops of water and grains of sand make the mighty ocean and pleasant land.

They are not hard to notice, graduating slays are small girls below 25 but listening to rhumba. They embrace near bad girl attitude, always with a packet of cancer sticks because they believe its sexy to smoke when waiting for sponsors, when arguing with cab drivers or whenever its time to go ratchet, smash and rob. This is what life has become, while conning men chest thumb with briefcase companies, light skin and bootylicious women have their offices between their legs (kra should find a way of taxing slays).

Many are making a living this way or beginning like this and get to greater heights. There are quite a number of female honourable members who took shots in their bottoms to rise to the top, I mean from selling or sleeping on bedsheets to sitting in boardrooms and now to making love and laws. Yes and you can only achieve that if you stay loyal to one or two sponsors.

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If anything this is not an easy occupation, sponsors can drop a slay anytime especially if the slay is young and naive or if she tries to play smart with miscalculated or if her supporting documents shed off in this industry where bootylicious and light skin women dominate the market. A sponsor can look like anything or faceless so long as the pockets are deep.

But who is to blame, harsh economic times, unemployment or lack of female role models? Most of the women in senior government positions have no inspirational and complete family set ups that can positively inspire young girls who may be looking upto to them. If its not some story of messy and noisy divorce, it’s a story of old single and having fun or loving whoever and whatever, partying and kicking with small boys or the husband has just been reduced to a near woman kind of figure who can be disrespected at will.

We have heard of many female lawmakers or ministers who phisically abuse or disrespect their have not husbands. Former nominated senator Elizabeth Ongoro made news on this. Look at the stories about Martha Karua, Prof.Olive Mugenda, Rachel Shebesh and Pasaris among others.

Some respected female lawmakers who chair or sit in powerful committees in parliament share sipping straws. Pathetic. I mean the female law makers who made the little known Wazir Chacha the man of the year 2018. An entire whatsapp group where Sabina Chege must have been the admin, all sipped the young man’s thick juice.

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What message does that send to our young girls? Some women in serious leadership also come out as ‘male women’, not just with the vibrating baritone but to what they speak in public and how they conduct themselves, ladies like Jumwa you know, untamed Millie Odhiambo to Caro Mutoko, an all time slay who preaches water and sips wine.

She confirms that slays are mostly beautiful and brainless girls but a few scholars and professionals also make money from this dirty game. This list is dominated by media girls with a few exceptions, the likes of Lilian Muli, Jackie Wanjiru, Kamene Goro the ratchet queen, Betty, Grace and K. Nyamu. These are slays with lucrative careers.

 The only slays who come clean are socialites, every young girls dream. They pioneer as instagram models, the next thing they are in some rapper’s music video, smashes with the same rapper, his friends and producer, dumps one of them via blog then theynmove to hanging with promotors then first MPs and then becomes an house hold name socialite/slay queen. Vera Sidika and Hudda Monroe must be doing a great job.


Kenya Insights allows guest blogging, if you want to be published on Kenya’s most authoritative and accurate blog, have an expose, news, story angles, human interest stories, drop us an email on [email protected] or via Telegram
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