Hold The Fart, Wear A Mask

Here comes the absurd. That let’s test poop to track and contain coronavirus. Yeah, poop. Oh, and stop farting ovyo ovyo. Farting may be spreading the virus.

This is how one conference call recently went down at the US Centre for Disease Control (CDC), according to a May 1 story in Business Insider, a US financial website owned by the German publisher Axel Springer.

The story said that according to CDC, the coronavirus has been found in human faeces of infected people, and so the US government was looking at wastewater as a possible means of contracting Covid-19.

But wait. This science of poop actually sounds genius. Politico, another US online media house, elaborated on the same day that “tracking the spread of the virus through sewage systems [might be] a way to predict where the next hot spot may be.”

Well, would everyone keep their shirts on, please. Or pants. It turns out that this whole thing is not entirely to be dismissed as One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest — you know, that 1962 novel by Ken Kesey set in a mental asylum.

It turns out that monitoring poop has actually been done before, to look for re-emergence of polio viruses in some parts of the world.

Still, if it came to this how would Kenya do it? Media would have a heck of a time selling this to the public.

On the farting angle, the whisper started at the UK tabloid, The Sun.

“Doctor says coronavirus could be spreading through farts – but experts aren’t so sure,” said The Sun in a story updated May 17.

The tabloid quoted Australian doctor Andy Tagg citing tests that revealed the virus was present in the faeces of 55 per cent of patients with Covid-19. And – wait for the logic — medics have previously warned farts contain tiny poo particles that can spread bacteria, The Sun reported.

However, there are no confirmed cases of anyone contracting Covid-19 this way, all the stories warned.

So, what should media report? Ok, everyone, hold your farts – just in case. Wear a mask while at it, wash your hands with soap and keep social distance.